Lessons From The Book of Job on Loss and Living Again

“Naked came from my mother’s womb,

And naked shall I return there.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;

Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

In all this Job did not sin nor charge God with wrong. Job 1:20–22 (NKJV)

Life may seem like a series of “goodbyes.“ The longer we live, the more we have to learn to let go. Judith Viorst in her book, “Necessary Losses” wrote:

“When we think of loss, we think of loss through death of people we love. But loss is a far more encompassing theme in our life. For we lose not only through death, but also by leaving and being left, by changing and letting go and moving on. And our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love but our…losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety-and the loss of our own younger self.”

There’s no avoiding it. Loss is a theme in life. This is hard for everyone but it is really hard for those of us who gravitate to fun and want to always experience the positive joy of life. I confess that I have the tendency to minimize, ignore and even run from unpleasant painful experiences. I’ll go so far to say that I even stay away from places and people that remind me of unpleasant experiences in my life. This is something that I must learn to deal with because where I live, there are only so many people and places that a person can avoid without becoming a recluse.

For encouragement on living with loss that chronicles Job's experience and how it may help yours, I've made available from my coaching ministry this free eBook. Just click on the image above.

So what to do? Well, I have a few thoughts on the matter.

First, let’s be generous and say that everyone experiences loss and everyone defines it differently. You may have a different view of loss than Ms. Viorst, but that does not make her or yours any less real or important.

I certainly am not here to claim to know or understand the loss and grief that you may have experienced or are experiencing. However, I do know this. Everyone will experience some form of loss. No one is exempt. When loss happens you feel like a hole has been torn in your soul, one that can’t be mended.

Loss comes to us in different forms and in different degrees of intensity. At one end of the spectrum, it is a daily occurrence: We say goodbye to a child leaving for their first day of school, we misplace that lunch money, a sale or contract that was to come through today didn’t, or the book you ordered was lost in the mail. At the middle of the spectrum, children leave home for college far away, a job or even marriage. There is decreased energy due to age. Then you have the far end of the spectrum where loss is the greatest; these could include a debilitating illness, a divorce or even at the top end a death of a child or spouse.

I guess we could say that loss is that feeling of pain and grief over losing someone or something that you cared about very much. Again, these are only examples of the many different losses, some are everyday and some are few in a lifetime.

Second, while everyone experiences loss, everyone handles it differently. We are all sons and daughters of Adam, so we do have similar emotions but the way we handle our losses is due to the perception of the importance of the loss. The more important, the more emotions and thus a greater reaction within us. Of course with more emotions also the longer the time you will need and the more effort it will take for you to move through this loss to live in a new hope of life.

You’ve likely heard of the stages of grief and loss: They are denial, anger, bargaining, despair, acceptance and recovery. The biblical character of Job went through all of these and it is vividly chronicled in the Bible.

What’s interesting to me is that the Scriptures never tell us that Job ever knew why he went through this loss. We know from our end. Yet, when Job saw God, that didn’t matter anymore. He was able now to live his life again.

Third, how we handle loss will determine how we’ll live our lives. Grief is normal. There is no shame in it and it's important that you not be in denial. You should allow yourself to feel the pain, because until you feel it and express it you cannot move through it. Moving through it is the only way to live life anew. Be patient with yourself and do not lose hope. God will supply a new normal in time.

In the midst of Job’s pain, he held onto the truth that his life will not always be or feel this way. He knew it would pass and a new day would open for him. He said:

“For I know that my Redeemer lives,

And He shall stand at last on the earth;

And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,

That in my flesh I shall see God,

Whom I shall see for myself,

And my eyes shall behold, and not another.

How my heart yearns within me! “ (Job 19:25-27, NKJV)

How our hearts yearn in us for a better day. A day where there are no more losses, no more letting go. Don’t be tempted to look back at former days and call them better. For if you believe in Jesus the Messiah, your better days are ahead, not behind. Don’t forget that. Now, here is what you can do now: Live life, accept what comes your way and keep learning how to let go.

“After you’ve been a pastor for a while, you will lose your enthusiasm like the rest of us”

That statement was made to me by a long-time pastor at my first pastor meeting in our Baptist Association in New Orleans. I didn’t go back.

I didn’t go back until I met Dr. Fred Dyess. About a year later, Fred became the Director of Missions (the old name for Associational Missions Strategist) at the Baptist Association of Greater New Orleans. This was back about 1990. I was a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and about 18 months into planting a church.

Fred left his church in Houma, Louisiana to become the Director of Missions for our association. It must have been a call from God. Our association was so dead that the last director was found dead in his office. Yes, really. Probably with an ACP report in front of him.

Fred had led First Baptist Houma for over 10 years and averaged baptizing 100 people a year during that time. He was what the old guys called a “soul-winner.” I think his real appeal was his love for Jesus, which translated into love for God’s people and love for those who are not yet followers of Christ. It goes without saying, Fred loved me, and I loved him. He put “associate” in association for me. Here’s what Fred did.

First, he treated me like a real pastor. You see, I was just a lowly church planter. I was a church planter before church planting was cool. Our church met in a strip mall that previously had been a dance studio. Oh, the irony! Baptists who don’t dance meeting in a dance studio. No church, not steeple and when you opened the doors, very few people. I was also young, in my 20’s. Karen and I were married for just a few years and with our first baby.

Second, Fred encouraged me. I started going to the pastor fellowships. I just made sure I didn’t sit near pastor Eeyore (a Winnie the Pooh reference). We had interesting topics, speakers, and prayer times. Sometimes Fred would take me to lunch. He would ask about me, my family and later would get to the church. He gave me courage. He gave me a chance.

Third, he opened me to new experiences. Fred wanted our churches to be involved in the larger state and national convention. I remember a time when he gathered six of us young pastors and took us in a borrowed van to the Louisiana State Evangelism Conference. I’d never been. It was wonderful! It was inspiring! We stayed for the whole thing. Over dinner each night we would talk about what we learned and what we were going to do in our churches to share Jesus with more people. It was so helpful to me.

Fourth, he showed how we needed one another and that together we could do more. Most of the time in the New Testament, when it refers to “church” it is to a local church. The local church is so very important. But along with that, cooperation among local churches is important as well. No matter how big and great any one local church may be, it still cannot do what a group of churches committed together can do. The Lord used Fred in uniting our churches to hold an evangelistic crusade in the city, to plant new churches, to equip leaders, and to support community ministries of all kinds.

Fifth, Fred made sure I was equipped. I never had any church planter training. I found a book on church planting at the Baptist Bookstore (Before it was LifeWay) on Seven Steps for Church Planting. By then it didn’t offer much help to me. When our congregation was ready to try and find a permanent place to meet, Fred helped connect me to resources at the state convention. They helped us with funds to buy land and supplying a contractor. They also helped to coordinate volunteer builders for the construction of the first building. When I needed help in organizing our church, the association made sure I had the help I needed.

Fred sent me to coach training clinics, retreats, and planter assessment seminars. It was after one of those seminars that he invited me to work on contract with the association as a church planter catalyst. This led to even more equipping.

Six, he fanned the flames of ministry enthusiasm. He helped me when I was struggling. He encouraged me when I was not sure of my next thing to do, or not to do. One thing he always did was to help me see the larger picture of ministry. I was called to minister by Jesus. It was Jesus’ church not mine. The church was his bride. He died for her. My role was to be faithful. His role was to determine the outcomes. That helped me so much to keep my ministry perspective in line.

I am so thankful for the ministry of Fred Dyess. To my knowledge He’s still around. He tried to retire a couple of times and just couldn’t do it. He loves the ministry. It’s just who he is.

I’ve written this because I wanted you to know how important it is for pastors to have another person like them, who has walked the same path, who can encourage, engage and equip. I don’t pretend to have it all together. But I can use what God has given me and what I have experienced. Whether you are a pastor, staff member or an active member of your church, my heart is that you will never lose your enthusiasm for ministry.

I’m reminded of the old illustration of a piece of coal separated from the rest of the burning coals. In separation, it soon grows cold. I pray that our Fairburn Baptist Association will keep the ministry fires going. I pray that you will burn along with us too. Next time you receive a notice of something going on with the association, remember, this association is you. If we stay together, following the Lord Jesus Christ, we won’t ever have to fear losing the enthusiasm for the ministry.

Five Things to Do to Get More Done

You’re already going as fast as you can, doing as much as you can. Even if you take the time to read this, it’ll probably be more “skimming” than reading. Some may ask, “Why would anyone want to add to that load?” Fair question. However, this is about cutting some of those things you already do that keep you from getting what you really want done. So, this is about five things to do less in order to do more of what you really want. So here are the five.

1. Limit your time wasters

What do I mean by timewasters? These are the things that compromise your focus and your ability to get done what you need to get done today. It could vary from someone dropping-in your space unannounced to social media. For example, A time waster for me is email. Don’t get me wrong. I believe in email. I like email. Email is important for ministry and for business. But email can be a time waster too. Another time waster for me is social media and so are people dropping by unannounced to visit while I’m working. Here is how I handle all of these. I pray there is something helpful here for your situation.

For email, I turn it off and only check it twice in the morning and twice in the afternoon. I do this so I can concentrate. Like you, I need time to think, plan and pray. Praying for pastors and churches is part of my job, so I don’t need to be distracted by emails. I can check them when I schedule it. I try to do something like this with texting, but it is harder to not look, and I usually justify reading and answering texts by saying to myself, “It will only take a moment and then I can put it out of my mind.”

For social media, unless you are working on it for your work or ministry, turn it off. I generally spend my time on social media in the evenings and weekends.

Drop in visitors, which has become more rare post covid, but when they do, I thank them for coming by and tell them it is good to see them. I ask what has brought them by. This way I can determine if it is a visit of an important pressing nature or just a casual visit. Certainly, if they are in crisis or experiencing what they would consider a great need, I would make every attempt to help. If it is not in that category, I don’t let them sit down. I share with them that currently I have other obligations that I need to fulfill. If they would like to meet, we could set up a time so that I am able give them my full attention. I then seek to calendar them in when it is most convenient for me according to the circumstances. This sort of scenario could also happen if you work in an office with other coworkers. There is usually at least one person who likes to spend a little too long chit chatting or “just dropping by” to say “Hey”.

2. Practice the Pareto Principle

If you are not familiar with the name, you will be familiar with the idea. Basically, it is the observation by an Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto of the 80/20 rule. You would know it in church as 80% of the work of the ministry done by 20% of the members. In economics, it is 80% of the wealth is owned by 20% of the people. Likewise, for taxes, 80% of the taxes are paid by 20% of the people. In healthcare, 80% of the cost is incurred by 20% of the people. It goes on and on. Understand, I’m using generalities. I’m not up to date on the actual percentages for these, I’m simply using these for illustration purposes.

The application of the Pareto Principle for you is found in this question: What 20% of the work you do will generate 80% of the results? You identify that 20% and that is where you put your time and energy. This is how you get more done. This one question may be the best productivity question you ask yourself all year.

3. Make a daily to do list

With your personal Pareto Principle in mind. You then can make a list on what and how you are going to spend your time and resources. A list does not just state what you are going to do, it also tells you what you are not going to do. For you personally, if it is not on the list, it is not in the 20% and therefore you need to avoid it.

Obviously, there are exceptions, the boss calls you in. He’s had a brainstorm and wants you to stop everything and do his great idea. Emergencies happen. But brainstorming bosses and emergencies should be the exceptions. That is why they are called exceptions. If they are the norm, then you are either a first responder or the environment you are in is out of control.

I’ve written about list making in a previous blog, you can see it here: Four Ways to Postpone Your Procrastination. Here’s the relevant part.

I like to make a list every day. I try to create the list the night before. I break the action items down to their simplest form. For example, If I’m hosting a meeting, I don’t just write down “Host meeting.” That is too just too big a thing to make it one step. Break it down into several. I write down:

1. Confirm date and time.

2. Secure a location.

3. Determine program

4. Create guest list

You get the idea. What I don’t get done that day, I move it to my list for tomorrow. I very rarely get all my “to dos” done every day, but I get a lot more done than if I didn’t have a list. I also get the endorphin pleasure of scratching off items that are completed!

4. Start with your hardest task first and work your way down

In other words, when you make your Pareto list, prioritize the stuff that is the hardest to do, and the stuff you least like doing first. You will gain so much more energy by moving the big and hard stuff out of the way first.

In correlation with this, you will generally be at your best energy earlier in the day than later. I do know some people who have good energy in the late afternoon, but that is not most people. Do hard tasks when you have the best energy and can use that momentum to get more stuff done as the day goes by.

5. Don’t over commit, but evaluate

Learn to say “No”. You’ve probably heard this a hundred times, but it is still true. You will have to say “No” to many good things in order for you to say “Yes” to the best things. This is part of the “tyranny of the urgent”. You can download the PDF of this great article here: Tyranny of the Urgent. This will help you to stay focused on what is both important and not urgent. This is the place you want to spend most of your time and energies.

Leave space in your calendar for those emergencies that come your way. There really is a virtue in having margin in your life. Opportunities that are wonderful will come your way and you need to have the margin to be able to consider taking them, rather than having to let it pass by.

Not overcommitting relates to more than time. It relates to finances. Too many people live one paycheck from being out on the street. You need to have a financial cushion to land on when you need it. Margin is good for the body, mind, and spirit. It gives space to breathe and to renew. Be strategic in both your “yes’” and your “no’s”. This along with the other things will help you to do less so that you can do more.